I find some things especially tricky to maneuver as a parent. Particularly in our currently social and political climate, I am instantly on my heels when Rex talks about girls in a “crushy” kinda way. It started last year with a “beautiful” girl in his class. I waiver between thinking it’s very sweet and normal to being hyper anxious that he learns the appropriate ways to channel and express these feelings in a respectful way. Luckily, he is very sensitive and aware, and seems to get it. Well, now Rocky seems interested in the subject. Shit.
What started about a month ago as a random comment here or there has turned into a complete obsession. Whenever two people show any interest in one another, romantically or otherwise, the questions begin. “Are they going to get married? Are they going to kiss? Are they going to fall in love?”
The other day he gave me his ipad and asked, “Mom, can you find videos of people kissing?” No, I can’t Rocky. That is called porn.
A couple of weeks ago my mom took him to her neighborhood cookout, and a five-year-old little girl named Bella arrived with in a red dress, fancy shoes, and earrings. OH, THE EARRINGS. We haven’t stopped talking about the earrings. Last week while driving he asked, “Mom, can you tell me a story about Rocky and Bella.” “Sure, buddy. One day, Rocky and Bella were playing at the playground together—” he interrupted me immediately, “Get to the kissing part!!!” “What?!” “Mom! Say that I kissed her and called her Darling!” Uhhhhhh, what the whaaaa? No.
And most recently he snuggled up next to me on the couch and endearingly said, “Mommy, show me your black thing.” (Spoiler alert: Not a lot of time for maintenance over here. And also kind of a throwback to when Rex asked me if I had MULTCH on my privates.) My what? “Your black thing. Your pinsee!” Oh, I don’t have a pinsee, buddy. Remember, girls have vaginas. “YEAH! Show me your vagina! I LOVE VAGINAS!” What?! Fuck.
I guess the point here is that I think my son might be the next Ron Jeremy. But I hope not. But I’m not sure. So wish me luck.