Hangin' Tough

America (barely) lasted another year and so did I. Yay for both of us. Fourth of July week and I don’t know where June went. AM I RIGHT?!

Some of my personal June takeaways : rain is annoying, three kids all day seven days a week is a root canal, turning thirty-five is really old even when your favorite musician is Justin Bieber, and Back East Mediterranean Grill in Beverly, MA is like ALL that currently matters. #chickenshawarma

Rocky and I both had strep recently which was really fun. I had to bribe him with a trip to the cemetery to get him to go to the doctors. Right when the doctor came in she was greeted with, “Do you know where I get to go after this?!!” You can imagine her surprise when he told her. I didn’t even bother trying to explain. The whole ride there he just kept asking, “Mom, when we get there can you tell me who I’m steppin’ on?…and then when I walk around, can you tell me who else I am steppin’ on?” and while we were there “….Mom, do they have teeth under there? Can they hear me? Can we pretend I’m dead.” DUDE IS A FREAK.

Bizzy continues to be annoyed by me and responds to basically everything I suggest with an emphatic, “NO!”. But she also calls herself “Bibby” and insists on wearing this doll sweater around the house so like, she’s not as cool as she thinks she is.


Oh, I went to my second NKOTB concert this weekend. The first was with my two babysitters and my dad when I was like seven. I was covered in buttons in the last row and even though my nipples were hard for Joey Mac and his topless hat, I was asleep after like the fifth song. This weekend I was still covered in buttons, but with a serious seat upgrade and a solid buzz to keep me awake.


And lemme tell ya, those guys still know how to get down. No one has told them that they actually aren’t really heart throbs NOW—so the night was filled with A LOT of fifty-year-old dick thrusting and ball grabbing, but I was there for it. Low budget, beer-bellied, happy, grateful old bastards up there fucking OWNING the joint. It was magical, really. Donnie even appeared in the crowd like ten feet from me to give us all a big pump up speech…


“People used to think you all were a bunch of dumb little girls! NOW LOOK AT YOU! Doctors! Teachers! Lawyers! Mothers! Look at you!” YEAH, DONNIE! Look at me!!! YOU HELPED ME TO BECOME AN EX-LAWYER MOTHER!!!! IT WAS YOU, DON!! WHAT A SUCCESS STORY I AM!! What a fucking weird, awesome, night.

Back on the motherhood front, the boys have taken an extra sharp turn down Spoiled Brat Lane recently with lots of “give me more”s and “that’s not fair”s. Matt and I are working hard to reel their shit in. I have started setting more limits, providing less rewards for expected behavior, and saying “no” more. Matt has been taking a different approach. Last week he took our poor Braun Strowman action figure (WWE) out into the driveway and smashed him to pieces with a hammer to prove a point. And a few days later I stumbled upon his Youtube search history…


Guys. ST. JUDES!! Between weird Ryan and his parents opening toys and boxing fights he is having the boys watch videos of sick kids to make them behave!!! Not sure they are old enough for this to have the intended impact but ya gotta love Matty for trying.


And I think sunscreen is giving me chest acne. I mean, I think it’s the sunscreen. I know I have chest acne. BUT IT’S FINE, I FEEL GREAT.

And thanks to the girl who told me to write something because she was bored of me being quiet. YA PRESSURED ME INTO IT!