Coupla days ago “The Rexster” (as he affectionately calls himself) was having a real listening malfunction. I was sitting at the kitchencounter while Bizzy was eating and I could hear Matt’s patience running out. Finally he blew. “Ya know what, boys?! GET OUT. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!” Oh! Wow! Okay.
Rocky stormed out totally confident and content and Rex lagged behind, sobbing, wearing only a pair of camo cargo shorts that were too small to button. “Fine! (crying) I’ll leave! Fine! I’m leaving!” I followed them out the door (because anxiety) wearing sweatpants and a white pajama shirt with no bra (5pm). Immediately I was greeted with a friendly, “Hey!” by the new neighbor-dad who was on a walk with his adorable two year old daughter. “Hey! How are you?” (crossing my arms to cover my very obvious bigtoe nipples) Thankfully Matt heard me and him and Bizzy came right out and all the kids started playing on the lawn. As a family we looked very desheveled—Rocky’s face covered in ketchup, Rex shirtless with his fly wide-open, and Bizzy with her saggy diaper and no pants. Matt did he best to play it cool. “Oh man, we were just all in there relaxing watching Honey I Shrunk the Kids and then all of a sudden everyone was outside!” Rex stopped dead in his tracks. Fuck.
All of a sudden??? All of a sudden, Dad? HA! Not all of a sudden. You told me and Rocky to get out of this house and you wanted us to run away!
Rex. Let’s talk about this later.
Talk about it later? That you wanted me to leave this family? How do you think that made me feel, Dad?!
To be honest I do not know what happened after at this point because I took my bra-less boobs THE FUCK INSIDE. They stayed out there a little longer and I hid and then they came inside and as far as I can tell, everything was okay. But I can’t imagine they are gunna buddy up to us at next week’s block party. #anotheronebitesthedust
I would also like to report that Bizzy is obsessed with being like Rex and Rocky and since they are shirtless most of the time, she is now refusing to wear any upper body clothing. Oh, wait, she will wear the (already stained) Red Sox shirt that Rex got her at the same. She also continues to really fight me on the hair elastics and bows despite the very (what I would assume to be bothersome) long hair in her face all day. So, although I post a lot of cutesy pics of her, if you ever see us in real life she will very likely look like this…