Rocky continues to tell everyone that I have a boyfriend and his name is Jonathan and he is my darling. So last week I tried giving him a dose of his own medicine. While eating family dinner (kids eating easy mac, Matt and I eating nothing) I turned to Matt, “Hey Dad, did you hear that Rocky has a girlfriend? Her name is Barbara. She’s his darling!” “NO! MOM! WHAT?! Who is Barabara?! You are LYING!” He lost his shit.
Well, two days later I brought him to his first Speech Therapy appointment. The office was in an industrial park and immediately I could tell he was nervous. “Mom, this place looks very grown-upish. What if I don’t know how to do speech? Are you gunna stay with me? What if they tell you to leave? Are you gunna stay the WHOLE time?” I assured him I would stay and that we would be fine, and that his teacher would be amazing and he would love her and it would be great! We zigged and zagged through a few floors until we made our way to the waiting room. After ten (long) minutes of waiting a woman in her mid-sixies walked towards us with a big smile. “Hi! You must be Rocky! I’m going to be working with you. My name is Barbara!”
He couldn’t even move. Eyes VERY VERY wide—looking at her, then looking at me, then back at her, then back at me. “Mom, can I whisper somethin’ in your ear?” Oh, God. Yup. “How did you know about Barbara the other day when you didn’t even know Barbara?!”" I just smiled at him said hello to Barbara—trying to brush him off because this was too weird to explain to either party. He pulled me back down to his ear, “Can you tell her that she is NOT my darling?….DO IT.” “Okay, okay, I will in one minute, let’s get in the room first.”
Thankfully by the time we got down to the room and Rocky saw the activities lined up for him, he was distracted. I mean, what are the chances?! Fucking, Barbara?! Seriously?!!?
Anyway, she started with an assessment—flashcards basically. He was so serious, and trying so hard. It actually hurt my entire body to watch.
Then the cards progressed to sentences. I could tell we were pressing our luck at this point because he is usually good to follow directions for like ten minutes and then it’s back to, “ehhhh, let’s do my ideas now, this sucks.” Good luck Barb…
Okay, Rocky. Repeat after me, “I have a black cat.”
I don’t have a cat.
Okay. That’s fine. How about, “You have a black cat.”
Do you have a black cat?
No, I don’t.
Then who has the black cat?
No Rocky, these are pretend. You just repeat what I am saying. So, I say it, and then you say it back to me. Let’s try another one. “Sally ate a sandwich.”
Who is Sally?
Barbara put the cards away like a pro and they played a fishing game and he got a sticker and we all made it out alive. I did think he was going to pop a hemorrhoid a few times trying to keep his tongue behind his teeth while pushing the “s” sound out, but fuckin’ A he’s improving.
And I am sure you are dying to know how Rex’s camp experience went. Well, in a two week period he lost a beach towel and two water bottles, won a lip sync contest, and got his first bee sting, He reported some good days, some long days, and one day where a girl spent a lot of time asking the counselor “Do I have to sit next to him?!?! ” So basically, it was a success and Imma kill a little bitch.